Ever since I signed the letter terminating my contract I can't stop thinking about what I've done. Being alone gives me a lot of time to think. A LOT of time. I talked to my sister. I talked to friends at school. I did a lot of talking along with my thinking. I was sad, worried, scared, and even wondered if I was feeling regret. I played out a lot of things in my mind while I was in the shower last night. Then today I went and talked to Kristin. While I was there I put a lot of things together. I realized that I'm just sad. I'm sad to leave a job that is perfect. I'm sad to leave friends who I love. I'm sad to lose something that brings me satisfaction and a great sense of accomplishment. I'm sad to completely close this big chapter in my life. I'm sad to lose something I love. I realize that by ending this contract I may possibly never have a job like this again. If I do it won't be for at least 15 years (as long as things go as planned with our family and Gustavo's career). Kristin helped me realize that it is okay to be sad about this. I know that I didn't make the wrong decision. How could following the council of my church leaders, helping out a friend, and putting my daughter first be wrong? It can't. So I'm sad, but confident that I did the right thing.
Before Time Swallows the Memories
6 months ago
4 comments:
I completely understand what you mean! Signing that paper to quit was so hard because teaching there was such a huge part of my life. But I love being home with Bailey even though I do have to do some work sometimes too! I'm glad that you have the chance to stay home with Ella!
im in the same boat (well...kinda) I just took my maternity leave from a job that i adored (cutting hair) to start my family. I told all of my clients that i will be coming back at the end of the year but i dont think i will be after all...my new job will be Mommy and i hope i will be able to stay sane staying at home ;0) I think its also a blessing to have the choice to stay home...alot of people arent that lucky! Anyways, good luck and let me know how it goes!
Sydney, wow I just read your blog. I know how hard that decision was for you to make. I have a hard time staying home all the time but I just remind myself that it's really only while my kids are young and once they are in school I can maybe do something again. Think about if you live to be 80 only about 10-15 years of that you may have to just stay home. I know you probably know all this but it helps me to remind myself of why I am doing it. And your friend is totally right. Its ok to be sad. You'll figure out something to do very very part time like me that will keep you sane and that is ok. Don't think you have to sit at home in a robe wearing curlers all day to tag the definition of stay-at-home mom. There are a lot of definitions. I am happy for you and i love ya!
I say Congrats to getting to see your little girl all the time:) It does feel weird to be home all the time after always working (believe me!) but it's also time with your babe that you don't get to have for long. They grow up so fast...really!! I can't believe my little boy is already a month old! You're an awesome teacher though and I'm sure you'll be missed.
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